The Façade Behind the Filters 📵

I don’t know about you, but I appear to have a very dysfunctional relationship with social media. If Facebook and Instagram were an ex-boyfriend, he’s the one your friends are always telling you to forget because you KNOW that he’s bad for you - but somehow you always end up going back! There are so many fab things about social media that make me use it every day. But could it be that some of the reasons I use it so often, are actually some of the reasons I hate it?

I love Facebook and Instagram! I use them both to share my blog and that’s how a lot of people end up reading my pieces. It’s so useful for contacting people, particularly if I don’t have their number, and most of the events I go to are organised on group chats or Facebook events (l mean, when was the last time you actually received a physical invite to a party?). I use it to share life events, like when I got a place on my master’s course, and people were able to share in my excitement! It’s also so great for keeping up to date with others, giving me loads of talking points when I see them like: “Omg how was your trip to […insert name of place here], looks like you had an amazing time!”. I even wrote my undergrad dissertation on Facebook because I find the culture around it so interesting!

Despite loving all of those things, I feel like I’m part of a generation that find it hard to remember pre- social media life, and that kind of makes me sad. I personally feel like I depend on it so much that it’s enabled me to develop some really bad habits! Like why take the time getting to know someone in person when you can stalk their Facebook profile?! (Don’t lie, we all do it!). Why meet up with a friend for a catch-up face-to face when I can message them at my own convenience? And how many times have we missed what’s happening right in front of us, just so we can catch the perfect picture for Instagram? It’s so easy to get caught up in our online presence that we actually forget how to be real people, engaging in real life. I’m definitely responsible for this. I don’t think social media is bad - I do think it can make us fake.

I remember having coffee with my best friend a while ago and talking about this. I was in a really bad place, having just been signed off from university with depression. My days were mostly spent at home, barely leaving the house and spending lots of time alone with my thoughts…and my phone. I remember telling her that everyone else was enjoying life more than me and I felt angry that I couldn’t. At the time I’d been doing my PGCE and life felt unbelievably overwhelming. The workload I had seemed impossible, with evenings and weekdays consisting of lesson plans, making slide shows, marking, essay planning and constant paperwork. Any time I wasn’t doing those things I felt guilty and anxious because I wasn’t on top of everything! So, looking at pictures of people having fun, going on holiday or just spending guilt-free time with family made me so sad, because I couldn’t picture my life looking that way. I thought I’d clearly made the wrong choice, because everyone else seemed to be enjoying post-graduation life more than me! Even the people on my course or doing teacher training somehow found the time to do nice things and post about it!

As a Christian, I also happen to be surrounded by lots of people getting married - which is super exciting! However, seeing SO many engagement posts began to emphasise how lonely I felt and how I definitely wasn’t getting married (which I have no interest in doing right now). Overall, looking at how other people presented themselves made me feel incredibly inadequate - and I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like this.

Speaking to my friend about this, I began to get really upset until she pointed out: “Fizz, people probably look at your Instagram and think exactly the same”. At first, I thought that was totally ridiculous- but she had such a great point! From looking at my profiles, there was no way of knowing that I was finding life tricky - and that’s the thing about social media that gets me! Ok, so I wasn’t going to update my page about being depressed and taking daily pictures of myself crying on my sofa, but according to my Instagram and Facebook I was loving life!

It’s ok not to be ok, and it’s ok to post great things on social media - it’s meant to be a place where you can spread happiness! But assuming you know a person based on their social media stories and posts is crazy! Some would say that social media isn’t the problem, it’s our own insecurities that we place on it - and I agree to an extent. But even if we’re in a great place in life, it’s difficult not to feel envious of someone else based on the life they’re portraying.

I started by posting on my Instagram, to try and recognise the fact that my profile didn’t honestly reflect life for me. Let me get one thing straight - I really don’t like the use of social media to regularly attention seek. But I really didn’t make this post so that people would feel sorry for me. I did it so that I could present myself honestly, whilst trying to remain positive about it!

I want to use this blog to look at some examples of my own social media posts - and how without realising, I present myself a little unrealistically! Now, this isn’t me pointing out that my life is terrible, but my pictures are fab! I just want to use my own social media as an example. Despite my online presence - I am extremely normal, and my social media tends to be an overexaggerated or edited view of my life. So, the following pictures are taken from my Instagram account and I want to get into the real life behind the filters!

The Dissertation Post

I think dissertation pictures are hilarious because they’re so set up! The philosophy nowadays is: Did you even write a dissertation if you didn’t post a picture with it? And I am one of many students who embarrassingly lives by this. This picture is actually so fake! I look so relieved and happy to have finished. The truth is, my dissertation was submitted online, so I actually purchased a folder and printed out the title page JUST FOR THIS PHOTO! And as happy as I look, I still had one week left to write 10,000 words across 2 essays before I’d finished my degree. So as soon as this picture was taken I went straight back to the computer lab and stayed there until 2am.

Posts about Food

Based on my profile you may think that that I regularly indulge in fancy, healthy(ish) food and picturesque coffees. Now, I do have an unhealthy obsession with coffee, so that much is true! But these posts don’t give the impression that I eat pretty normal food. I tend to see copious amounts of avocados, chia seeds and quinoa on my feed that make people look effortlessly healthy compared to me. Honestly, I don’t really enjoy food that contains expensive or fancy ingredients - and I could probably do with eating a lot better! Also, like a lot of people, my relationship with food over the years has been very up and down (although never really serious). I think it’s important to bear in mind that posting food photos can be a way for people who are struggling to deceive themselves and others that everything is fine.

The Classic Selfie

Lots of us love a good selfie, especially if they rake in those likes! For me, I guess it makes me feel validated, and attractive to know that people like how I look. But for those of us who indulge in a cheeky selfie every now and then, you know that you don’t just take one photo to get the perfect one! Behind every selfie I take, there’s probably AT LEAST 15 others that I didn’t like. The only reason I tend to post selfies on Instagram is the filters - because they have the ability to make the most average picture look SO much better. Usually, I’ll only take a selfie if I like my make up that day and my eyeliner has actually cooperated for once! But in real life, I don’t look like this.

Posts about Life

Looking at this picture and caption, one would assume that I was enjoying where I was and bragging about how beautiful my new home was. The truth is, I vividly remember being incredibly unhappy when this picture was taken and extremely depressed. There’s no denying that this reflects Canterbury to be a beautiful city - but it didn’t feel like home. I absolutely adore it now and it’s not a place I associate with sadness anymore. However, it’s funny that I chose to post this when I really wasn’t a fan at the time!

Body Image Posts

I chose these pictures because they all have one thing in common. I deliberately posted them because I thought they made me look skinny. I think a lot of girls can relate to me when I say that it’s not uncommon to take an enormous breath in when posing for a photo. The amount I analyse the photos I post is actually a little disturbing. I look at whether the position I’m standing in is flattering, if my stomach is out does it appear flat from that angle, how big my arms and wrists are, whether my arms are covering the parts of my body I don’t like, if I stand out in group photos and so much more! How worrying is that?! As if we’re not all concerned enough with our body image - I deliberately choose pictures that I feel deceive people about the way I actually look! So if I post a full body picture of myself and people think I look good, you should probably know that a ridiculous amount of energy and time was wasted on selecting that particular photo!

To reiterate what I said earlier, this post isn’t an attempt to tell you that my social media is all lies and that I actually have an awful life. This blog is to prove to myself and others that there’s more than meets the eye - and it’s normal to be normal! Be free to share the good times on social media - I know I do! I guess I just want to remind you to not make assumptions of people based on their social media. We’re all ordinary people with lives full of ups and downs, despite how we present ourselves online.

Thank you so much for taking the time to have a read! If you liked it, feel free to share, write a comment, or message me - I'd love to know what you think! Yours honestly,

Fizz

This post is dedicated to my incredible best friend Lois - for always supporting me, loving me unconditionally and inspiring me to write about this topic. You are so wonderful!