Talking About Therapy 🗨️

I promised myself that I wouldn’t just write about mental health on my blog. I’ve started writing 3 different articles ranging from the topics of skincare, to adulthood. But following on from my last post, I figured that I should continue to write about things that I know; things I feel I can and we all should be talking about. So yes, this blog relates to mental health, but again - it’s not scary and it’s something that people don’t tend to share openly. So, I wanted to write about some things I have learnt through my recovery, reflecting on my treatment for my depression and anxiety through therapy.

Like my previous post, I want to make a little disclaimer and say that this reflects my own experiences and opinions. Many people have tried therapy and not found it helpful. Obviously, that’s ok! Everyone’s personal issues vary; therefore, treatment should vary in the same way, catering to each person’s particular needs. It’s not for everyone, but it’s something that I’ve found hugely helpful over the years! Although I still have lots of things to work on in my continued recovery, my therapy is something I’ve really valued, and I’ve made a lot of progress thanks to it!

This article isn’t aimed at anyone in particular. It might be helpful for those who are considering therapy as a treatment for similar issues to mine, but it might also answer some questions for those who are just curious to know what it consists of! Like, what happens in therapy beyond the stereotype of lying across a sofa and talking about bizarre dreams?! Or the idea that you just have a good cry to an overly sympathetic woman wearing a knitted cardigan! Hopefully, through talking about my experience, you’ll see that it’s actually not as weird as you may think!

Why talk about Therapy?

Like mental health as a topic itself, there also seems to be some kind of stigma attached to receiving treatment for it. In my head, admitting that you go to therapy could result in being considered in 2 ways:

1. You're Weak

Especially for males, there’s this weird complex about openly discussing your feelings or having emotions. Now for me - it’s all about the emotions and I have no problem talking about them (some would say excessively!). I’m not afraid to have a good cry either so I’m an open book really!

But for others, this is understandably really hard! Reflecting on and acknowledging your own emotions may feel like a weakness to some - and you might worry that you’ll get this reputation for being a bit of a wet lettuce. It may be the fear that people will think you’re incapable because you can’t handle your own problems - when really, it’s not like that at all! Therapy is actually a course of action you can take in order to address your problems - so this should be recognised as a positive thing! Therapy is simply sharing your problems with someone else and trying to express them coherently - like a way of organising all your jumbled thoughts so you can equip yourself to respond to them healthily!

2. You’re high maintenance!

Sometimes it feels scary to admit that you go to therapy because it makes you look like a drama queen. This is something I worry about because I’m very fortunate; from the outside my life looks perfect and I really shouldn’t have anything to be sad about! It might look like I’m creating problems for myself and being ungrateful - but that’s not true, that’s depression!

I’m basing this consideration purely on American movies, when spoilt girls make references to their therapists. Although I worry that my problems seem like nothing compared to what so many others go through, you just can’t compare. If it’s important to me, then it’s an issue that’s worth sharing so that I can overcome it. Accepting therapy doesn’t mean you’re spoilt or seeking opportunities to indulge in conversations about yourself! It means you’ve been brave enough to accept help and begin the recovery process!

So how does it work?

Now many of you might think that in therapy you talk to a shrink who gives you some Freudian response about your repressed issues. I’m pretty sure that this isn’t an accurate representation - at least it’s not for me! There are loads of different types of therapy such as hypno, play, psychodynamic or music therapy. The one I’m going to be talking about is the type I currently have - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

To explain how CBT works I’m giving a cheeky throwback to my A-level Psychology days (Shout out to Edexcel 2013). I learnt about this during sixth form, whilst I was undergoing my first period of CBT. It was really interesting to remove my emotional connection and understand it from an academic perspective when I was going through these sessions myself.

CBT is based on the cognitive model of depression proposed by Beck (1967). He suggested that depression is the consequence of negative thoughts and how these impact our cognitive processes. He demonstrated this through the concept of a ‘Cognitive Triad’. It’s like a cycle of bad thoughts, suggesting that having negative feelings about yourself, leads to negative feelings about the world as a whole, and in turn negatively thinking of the future. This detrimental mind set can be the consequence of previous experiences too, because these are what shape our mental schemas. (Brain, 2009)

A schema is a set of expectations we have for particular situations based on previous ones. So, for example, when we picture a birthday party, we’ll usually assume there’s going to be a birthday cake there, because there have been at most of the one’s we’ve previously been to. That’s your mental schema telling you what to expect, and you use those expectations when you think about the next party you go to. So, regarding depression, if your previous life experiences have been bad, you’re going to have pretty negative views, with low or sad expectations for the future. This causes you to create faulty patterns and thoughts.

CBT is a way of helping you to rethink, trying to break the automatic negative cycle you’re stuck in. The aim is for the therapist to challenge your way of thinking, exploring different perspectives of yourself and the problems you’re facing. CBT therapists use a range of techniques, trying to help clients to understand the triggers of their negative thoughts and how to address them.  (Brain, 2009, p.264).

My Therapy

So, in my case, I see my therapist once a week for an hour. That sounds like a long time to be talking but it goes by pretty quickly! The conversation is completely steered by me. I usually start by going through my week, and the things I’m worried about tend to come up naturally. It felt a little awkward at first; spilling you heart and soul out to a stranger doesn’t feel normal! But after 5 years on and off, I’ve found what works for me, and I’d say that I get on really well with my therapist.

The clever thing is she listens, asks questions and occasionally makes observations. She never judges me or tells me what I should or shouldn’t do! The key thing is that these sessions are to help me to help myself - that’s why she doesn’t provide a quick fix or instant solution to my problems. She asks me questions about how I’m feeling and what’s provoked it- and as simple as it sounds, this helps me to acknowledge and comprehend my feelings, because in my head it feels like total chaos.

To me, therapy is a subtle and gradual treatment. Some of you may think “Well, it doesn’t sound like she does much at all - she just sits there”. To an outsider, yeah that’s exactly what it looks like! I mean, she could say absolutely nothing for an entire session - but the fact is she listens! I occasionally feel bad because sometimes I essentially just rant, but her job is to facilitate that - to allow me to safely explore and express my emotions so that I can effectively respond to them. Also, no topic is too ridiculous because it’s your space - you choose exactly what to talk about. I’m pretty open, particularly as I’ve known her so long, so no topic is off limits for me! But I totally get that not everyone is that way and being quiet and embracing the silence is just as effective!

Things to consider

Not only are there different types of therapy, but there are so many factors to think about! Therapy might work for me for various reasons such as my personality type or circumstances, but I know that it doesn’t appeal to everyone.

1. Treatment is personal

I’ve always been ok with talking about my emotions and I’m not afraid to feel a little vulnerable in my sessions by opening up. This is also something I’ve learnt to do over time. But for others, verbalising your issues in great detail to someone - whether familiar or professional - is a source of great tension. In fact, some people may feel that it contributes more to their anxiety levels than relieves them. Therapy isn’t for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with not feeling like it’s the treatment for you!

2. Therapist are different

My therapist is private, and is paid for each session I have with her. I don’t believe this makes her any better to talk to than anyone else and I’m definitely not saying that the only reason I respond to therapy is because it’s private! This treatment is available on the NHS or through the CMHS and I’m sure they also do an amazing job! For me, private therapy means there’s no cap on the number of sessions I have, they’re flexible and I’ve built up a rapport with her over the last 5 years. For public treatment you may be given a 6-session limit for example and that’s significantly less time to warm to your therapist. Also, just as humans are different, therapists themselves are all different people, so if it’s someone you personally click with, then treatment might be that bit more effective!

I realise I am extremely fortunate to receive the treatment I do. I’d be lying if I said that I felt good about having my sessions paid for, because they’re not cheap and my parents aren’t expecting me to pay them back. When you’re a parent putting away money for your kids, you tend to save up for their uni fees, a flat deposit or a wedding fund - not treatment for their mental health. This is something I struggle to think about a lot and I do feel guilty about it. But my parents have made it very clear that it’s their money and they are perfectly aware of the fact they don’t HAVE to spend it on my treatment. It’s my health and they feel that it’s necessary. I also don’t want to deprive somebody else of free treatment when I’m fortunate enough to be able to go private. I just want to make it clear that I know how lucky I am and it’s something I hope I never take for granted. I’m incredibly grateful for the position I’m in regarding treatment and funds.

What therapy has taught me

Although very gradual, I’ve seen some subtle changes throughout my recovery and I think therapy has taught me some important things:

1. Your feelings are legitimate!

No matter how big or small the issue, if it matters to you - it matters! I spend so much of my time trying to justify my emotions or why I’m not allowed to feel a certain way. But my therapist always tells me to acknowledge these feelings, because they’re clearly important to me! For example, if someone accidentally hurts me, I would feel that I wasn’t allowed to feel hurt because they didn’t mean it. If someone breaks your arm and says sorry, you can accept their apology, but it doesn’t mean that the arm isn’t broken anymore. This is the same with our emotions. You’re allowed to be annoyed or upset or sad - even if you feel you shouldn’t in the circumstances! Don’t deny those emotions and learn to recognise them - it’s the way you respond to them that counts!

2. You are your own worst critic

I sang at my friend’s wedding a few weeks ago and I didn’t feel particularly confident in my performance. I knew I’d sung it better in rehearsals and I was ready to totally kick myself. But all my friends and even some strangers were coming up to me and telling me how beautiful it was and that I even made some people cry! This is the way I tend to look at life. Depression makes you feel totally worthless and useless, and this usually reflects itself in loads of aspects of life! I’m always so quick to judge myself and identify the things I can’t do right. I make assumptions about what people think of me and I’m really hard on myself. But actually, I’ve painted a very unrealistic picture of myself, which when I step back isn’t accurate at all! I’m learning to listen to my friends and family more and genuinely believe what they say, as opposed to assuming that I’m not good enough, everyone hates me, and things go wrong because of me.

3. There’s no such thing as a perfect upward trajectory!

Recovery is a loooooong process when it comes to mental health. Because of the natural negative thinking patterns and habits you adopt, you’re going to feel like your mental health condition will always be a part of you! That’s life and it sucks- but it doesn’t mean that you’re totally defeated. I had a period during treatment where I felt like life was going great- I had a lovely boyfriend, a new job and a place on a Masters course in September, so I felt like there was nothing to worry about! I even told my therapist that we shouldn’t be meeting so regularly because I was basically cured, and life was fab! However, after 2 weeks it came crashing down again and I had some really bad days. I felt so embarrassed and upset and that all my work had been for nothing. However, it’s actually not natural to have a life free from bumps and bad days. My progress isn’t summarised by a positive correlation - it’s full of massive jumps and zigzags because life throws a lot of crap at you! But I’ve learnt not to let the bad days get me down as much. I let myself have them, but it doesn’t mean that my depression is winning. My bad days don’t counteract the amount of progress I’ve made so far!

I know there’s a lot of information there - you deserve a medal if you managed to read the whole thing! I feel that being honest about mental health means behind honest about how we deal with it, and for me that’s my therapy sessions!

If you’d like to know more about CBT and whether you’d like to try it, you might find these links helpful:

Finding a therapist: https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological-therapies-(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

NHS Website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/#pros-and-cons-of-cbt

Thanks so much for reading ! Add a comment or drop me a message to let me know what you think!

Yours honestly,

Fizz x

References:

Beck, A.T. (1967). Depression: Causes and Treatment. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press.

Brain, C. (2009). Edexcel A2: Psychology. Oxfordshire: Bookpoint Ltd.