Measuring Success🏅

I’ve been thinking about success: what it means, whether I’m successful, how to become successful etc. My wonderful tutor during my PGCE would always say that the answer to most questions in life is “it depends” - and this became an ongoing joke during my few months there! But he’s totally right and looking at success is no exception. You can have so many different types of success as it’s such a subjective concept. But also, depending on our definition, is success even that important?

Defining Success

So, when you want the definition of any word, your first point of call is usually going to be Google (of course).  According to the Oxford dictionary, success is defined in 2 ways:

“The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” and “The attainment of fame, wealth or social status”

It also states that if you are a success, you are: “A person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth etc” (English Oxford Living Dictionaries, 2018).

We all define success in different ways so that basic definition might not cut it. In my Google search using the words ‘people’ and ‘successful’, SO many articles come up about the ’... ways successful people think differently’ . To me this implies that success is an elite club for certain types of people; that there’s a universal definition meaning you either are or you aren’t successful. I don’t necessarily know if I agree with that idea - especially after I headed for some classic TED talks online. Jesse Henry (2015) makes a really great point about how success is all about perspective. He’s initially talking from a business model point of view but also finds his theory is applicable to areas of general life. It’s a super interesting talk and I’ll leave a link in the references if you want to have a look!

Leading on from that, this is a great chance to discuss the different perspectives of success we seem to have. I’ll also be including some of my own opinions about whether I agree with these definitions. It’s totally fine if you don’t agree with me - but I think some of these definitions are really important to consider compared to others:

Wealth, Fame and Status

Now, these are the main characteristics that the basic definitions mentioned, which all interlink is some way. Status refers to your social ranking I guess, whether that be in the workplace or general society. If we take it to mean workplace status, being a manager or CEO can lead to wealth - having lots of money. So being recognised as someone important, with more responsibility, can result in being well off. But also, with a higher status, you become well known, linking to fame. AND if you’re famous, you tend to make more money it seems. This is all a general summary of course, but you get the idea.

I think a lot of people would say that yes, wealth in particular is a great sign of success. It means you have to worry less about life’s expenses and it gives you more opportunities - you’re not restricted by budgets and costs. But then again, if you come from a background where money has always been an issue, you might be more inclined to think that.

But it also depends on how much you value money and how important it is compared to all other aspects of life. Sure, you can have tonnes of money, but if you have to work unsociable hours and do a job that makes you unhappy, is it really worth it? Don’t get me wrong, to a degree I think that wealth does indicate success, but I also believe there is a limited amount of success that it can bring.

Another thing to consider is how people make their money. Do you consider someone successful if they were born into money or didn’t necessarily have to earn it? The new generation of celebrity that’s emerged, such as the Kardashians, tick all 3 of these boxes. They’re filthy rich, everybody knows their names, and with that comes status in the form of the events they attend and the celebs they hang around with. Some people would, therefore, describe them as successful. But the unpopular view is that some people don’t actually regard them as successful despite owning businesses etc. Other examples of people in this category are Katie Hopkins and Piers Morgan. They’re well off and hold some fame and status, but they’re disliked by a huge number of people. Now, would you regard that as success?

Academia

As a teenager my view of life was pretty narrow, because it was based around school and my home town. I’m originally from Surrey, which is a very nice middle- class area. In general, the expectation was that you study hard in school to get into a good university, and from there you’re equipped for life.

I remember feeling quite surprised that that’s not the case for everyone. The majority of my family have been through higher education, but then again, some of my friends broke the mold and have been the first in their family! During my time teaching, the fact that only a handful of students wanted to go to university was so bizarre to me! But it actually really made me think about whether measuring my own success through my grades was entirely accurate!

To me, academia is a series of stepping stones. Ultimately, very few people will be impressed if I tell them I received an A* in GCSE History back in 2012, but I needed it to progress onto my A-levels. A-levels were crazy stressful at the time, but now they’re a distant memory, because I only needed them to get into uni! To be honest, I didn’t even do that well in my A-levels, but I still managed to make it to uni, despite not reaching my required grades.

So, if I’d received 3 A*s compared to my ACC, would that have made me any more of a success? At the end of the day I still managed to get a good degree from a Russell group university, so clearly it doesn’t matter that much! Would getting a 1st instead of a 2:1 have made me more of a success or proved that I could balance my work alongside a social life? If I have a masters, does that make me more successful than my friends with a bachelors who are employed full- time? And overall, because I went to university, does that make me any more successful than my friends who didn’t? Obviously, the answer is no.

There’s no doubt that academia is something that we admire in our culture, but I personally believe that basing success on JUST qualifications is far too narrow.

Marriage and Babies

Have you ever been chatting with friends or family and used phrases like: “When I get married…” or “When I have kids…”.? It seems kind of weird that that’s quite a normal thing to say whether we’re in a relationship or not.  A couple of years ago I started saying “If I get married…” in similar conversations, just because it’s silly to assume I know it’s guaranteed!

I know that one day I would like a husband and family of my own and I’ll admit I may feel a little unfulfilled if I don’t, but actually, it’s a different kind of success. Marriage and babies don't actually define whether you’re successful as a person. I know that if I don’t end up having that life, it doesn’t make me a failure.

One thing I’ll admit that annoys me, is that people expect your life to comprise of exact stages. For instance when you’re single, people ask: “So, have you got a boyfriend yet?” which leads to: “So, when are you getting engaged/ getting married/ having kids/ having another baby…”. The whole idea of asking people about when they’re having kids is actually kind of insensitive if you think about it, especially with so many couples not being able to conceive naturally. And actually, just asking someone: “Are you guys trying for a baby yet?” loosely translates to: “Are you guys having unprotected sex?” which is so intrusive and extremely weird if you ask me.

I feel like it’s a generational thing, and a lot of people ask with the best intentions, to know more about your life. But without realising, I think we’ve been programmed to think that marriage and babies are an expectation, and a requirement for success. Now, I think marriage is extremely valuable, but I also believe that singleness is just as much of a gift. I’m not saying that marriage and babies are bad by any means, but I don’t think they indicate that a person is more successful in life. You can achieve so many things whether you’re single, married, a parent or not.

Characteristics

You might feel that regardless of money or status, you will have succeeded in life if you’re a good person. I don’t really know how you would measure this; through how much money you give away, volunteering hours, putting others needs before yours? But also, it’s really hard to know whether or not you are successful in that sense, because you depend on either your own judgement or that of others. I wouldn’t say that I stand out from the crowd as being a particularly ‘good’ person, but some people have kindly said that they disagree.

I think part of the attraction of branding yourself a success, is being able to empirically identify it with statistics or titles, but if you measure it through characteristics, I don’t think you can ever really know for sure.

2 characteristics I associate with success are: the ability to push yourself out of your comfort zone and resilience. For me pushing myself was signing up for a mission trip to Cambodia, having never met my fellow travellers and knowing very little about the country. Then again, I can guarantee I will never push myself to climb Mount Everest or run a marathon when other people take on that physical challenge. During my lowest point of depression - I regarded pushing myself as getting dressed or leaving the house! Whatever it is, I think that the ability to achieve something that challenges you, in an unknown, uncomfortable environment, is definitely a huge sign of success, right?

We talked a lot about resilience on my undergrad course in my lectures of socialisation and development. Making mistakes is part of the learning process and I personally believe that to really appreciate success, we have to understand failure. Resilience is about adapting and picking yourself up in order to carry on. It’s about how you address failure and your ability to be proactive which links to success. I think the ability to still achieve, despite what life throws at you, is pretty successful!

What is success to me?

Now, this is the bit I think some of you will politely disagree with and that’s ok! Some of you might be tempted to skip this section because you don’t feel it’s applicable, but hear me out. Apart from some of the things I’ve spoken about previously, I think a huge part of my view of success is based on my faith as a Christian. When I was looking at the definitions of success, my attention was drawn to a story in the Bible called The Parable of the Rich Fool in Luke chapter 12, verses 13-21. It really made me think about how our society brands success and what God has to say about what we value .

So, Jesus told this parable to illustrate how we value earthly things and how being materialistic doesn’t really help us in the long run. The story in a nutshell is that there’s a man who’s managed to produce a good crop and decides to store it all in a big barn. He does this because he’s sure that the amount he’s produced is enough to keep him going for years - so in the meantime, he doesn’t have to work or worry. In his words he can “Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry”. 

Now a lot of us will be reading that and thinking ‘Yes, that’s THE dream’, but in the story, God calls this man a fool. His life was taken from him, and ultimately all the crops he’d hoarded were useless. The implication is that he’d invested so much time storing up things for himself, that he’d forgotten what was truly important - in this case his relationship with God which lasts forever. The most important verse I took away from reading this was:

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions”.  (Verse 15).

Some of you will have read that and it won’t mean anything to you. To me, it’s talking about the kingdom of heaven and the plans God has for us after this life. As a Christian it teaches me to pursue God, because a lot of things in this life won’t be important in the future. It means that I should value my relationship with God over everything else, even though it seems easier said than done in our society. Ultimately, if I spend my whole life trying to make money or excel in academia, it means I’ve wasted a lot of time, when I could have used it getting to know God and living for Him.

I think for some of us who value the latest trends and fashions, it’s so easy for us to invest our lives in our possessions and miss out on real life. Take our phones for example. If you spent all your time on your phone playing games, on social media or swiping on Tinder, you’re investing in artificial relationships. But it’s only when we lose our phone, or it breaks, that we realise we don’t have as many real relationships or friends. It’s only at the point that it’s too late that we realise we should have been investing in far more important and long-lasting things like people!  

Am I Successful?

I would say by the internet’s standards and definitions, no I’m not a success. Is that a bad thing? No. Does it mean I shouldn’t strive to be successful? No!

I’m not rich or famous, I don’t get full marks in everything academic, I’m a human who makes a lot of mistakes and I could be a much more generous and loving person if I tried! I didn’t finish my PGCE and I was 23 when I found my first proper job. I suffer from mental health problems that sometimes hold me back and no matter how hard I try to read the Bible every day and not do things that I shouldn’t, I always fall short. These are all the ways that I am not successful - but that doesn’t make me a failure.

I’d say I’m also pretty successful too. I think sometimes we look too hard at the big picture society paints for us , but it comes in waves and we can excel at different aspects of life at different times. So yes, I’m not succeeding at the above things mentioned, but I’m succeeding in lots of other ways! I’m still suffering from anxiety and depression, but I haven’t let it hold me back and I’ve come SO far in my treatment. I moved to London, an enormous and daunting city, when last year leaving my house was a struggle. I’ve grown in confidence and pushed myself academically by doing a masters.

I’ve also gained a new-found respect for myself, allowing myself to be happy in my choices, and to speak out when I’m unhappy. I’ve learnt that it’s okay to love myself and be proud of my achievements, no matter how big or small. These aren’t part of the previous definitions of success and you can’t measure them with numbers or statistics. But success is just as valid to celebrate when the victories are small and I think we all have the potential to be successful if we strive to be.

Yours honestly,

Fizz

References:

English Oxford Living Dictionaries. (2018). Success. Oxford University Press: Retrieved from: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/success

Henry, J. [TEDx Talks] (2015, May 4). The Theory of Success |Jesse Henry| TEDxFSU|. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSnzeODH3lE